She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
