this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
