my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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