omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
This is my gift to your gina
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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