does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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