you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
