I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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