Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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