He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
