theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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