I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
