I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
