I need help removing her.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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