Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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