lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
