I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
