why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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