Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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