hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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