We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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