Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
