Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
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I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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