she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
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We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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