dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
