Define "chronic" masturbator.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
