They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
