Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
