Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
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I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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