i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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