No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm too high and old for this...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
