The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
