And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
