take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
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running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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