as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
