He managed to light the Jello on fire...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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