i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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