Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
