Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
COCAINE IS GR8
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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