either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
