Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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