i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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