i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
