I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
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Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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