Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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