i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
as a side note pls kill me
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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