please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
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