I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im holly from the hills drunk
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
