So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
