he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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