I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
