my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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