I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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