Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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