If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
