First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life