dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship