you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we made out on top of his cat.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.