Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.