where am i from again
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
