I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
honey bunches of taint.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...