he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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