if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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