Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
