so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Pooping to opera.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
