i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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