Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
