I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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