There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
