I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
