Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
