I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
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He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
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holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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