Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
