cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
