So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
