Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
