Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
