I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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