I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize