I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
