i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Mom said you looked used
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
