My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
