You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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